When in doubt, rail and panic and dissolve in depression

I find that going all the way with one’s darkness can be a helpful thing. If you have some kind of vow or resolve not to off yourself, then you go to the very bottom and know there is nowhere to go but up.

Even if you can’t imagine up, it doesn’t matter. Wallow in the darkness. Scream and pound the earth and rail at the skies and know that you know nothing.

You know all the great words: seethe, scream, rant, fury, tirade, shaking your fist at the heavens. Yell them until you can think of no more and they eventually just leave you in darkness, confusion, bewilderment, perplexity, despair, puzzlement, mystification.

Then, having accepted that you have no control, no knowledge, no power and no friends, no hope, you exhaust your raging. You sit quietly and weep in the night.

Once you have given up everything, there is a freedom in nothing. There are no attachments, because no one cares about you and you care about nothing.

You don’t care about anyone’s opinion or judgments. You are just with the naked truth.

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